Fascinating

Last night, we had a bible study with the senior highs. The discussion was on Acts 9. One of the key things that triggered conversation was "who has been your Barnabas?" and "for whom have you been a Barnabas?"

One after the other, the almost universal message from one kid to another was, "when I met you, I was AFRAID of you, but you were kind me to me and now I love you."

Why are teenagers so afraid of people they don't know? As I listened, I heard the the message under the words "I don't feel like I am worthy enough to be liked by you" "I am afraid of you bc you seem so much better than I am." And it was universally genuine, uncalled-for, seemingly insignificant random acts of kindness that transformed each person and made them think that maybe they weren't so worthless after all.

How utterly and profoundly theological is that?

It reinforces so much my belief that adults who work with teenagers need to be "catching kids being gifted" and genuinely and sincerely letting them know what we see in them. Even though the first time or two or six that we do it, they don't know how to take it. I truly in my heart believe that when God looks at us, He sees "purest gold in miry clay" - and that we are called to do the same. And not just with youth.

And then, as the kids figure out what is happening, we can guide them in doing it intentionally for other people. Seeing that start to happen makes it ALL worth it.

...Speaking of Youth Culture...

The bulk of the active people in our church are 50(+-15) white people. If youth are a cultural minority, are they just one of many under-represented minorities???? Hmmmmm

So why isn't one step toward family-based youth ministry to get the core of the church to diversify away from late middle age white culture?? We say we want to be open to Asian, hispanic, black, etc, but I don't see us doing anything culturally diverse. We say we want more 20 and 30 somethings, but we are still doing our comfortable late middle age stuff. Hmmmmm. We seem to be doing what the historic core group is comfortable with rather than trying to find forms of worship and fellowship that are culturally diverse.

Bottom line is: we need A LOT MORE cultural variety if we want to minister to the community. It would be a lot more inviting to our young people.

Mark DeVries talks about teaching young people to be politely bored like the other adults in the worship service because worship is not always exciting and it's not about us. Well, that may be true, but maybe it's OK to put a little more energy and diversity into our worship and fellowship. Maybe it's OK to allow a little messiness and noise. Don't we serve a God who breaks out and does new things????

The Whole Parent Thing

I keep hearing from parents that they really appreciate youth advisors that their kids like to spend time with. If we are moving toward family-based youth ministry, I think we need to find a way to bring - what? - reconciliation? - between teens and their parents. Ever since I changed, I have had a sense that every parent needed to essentially see themselves as being in youth ministry. However, many parents react negatively to that concept for a multitude of reasons. I have said and I still believe that parents need to love to learn to respect teenagers by practicing on teens that are not their own children.

My Personal Transformation

It started on the first youth mission trip I attended in 1998. I had never spent time with teenagers. I was a typical parent - maybe worse than average. I was very hard on my daughter - to behave, to get good grades, etc. I remember that she started listening to the Newsboys - Christian soft rock - and I criticized it for no other good reason than it was "her music" and not my music. I was just outright disrespectful - just because it was different.

Then came the mission trip. I was thrown in with a double crew from all over the US. We were near Four Corners in New Mexico. I was so energized by the experience I could not sleep at night. I think my tranformation occured mostly while sitting and talking with some of the kids. I remember talking with Sarah Townes for at least two hours while riding on the van. She was a senior and talked freely about her hopes and dreams. I shared some of the many things I had learned over the years. I remember that as a transformational experience. During the trip, I just sat and talked with other teenagers and I was astounded at how interesting they were. I did not realize what I was missing by not having such conversations. I saw other adults on the trip who had no interest in talking to the youth or listening to them or respecting them.

When I was a teenager, there were several people in a Presbyterian Church who showed me respect and God's unconditional love. It hit me: how can you demonstrate God's unconditional love to someone who does not feel like you respect them??

A Matter of Culture

In my years of working with youth, I have found it necessary to enter their culture to have respectful relationships with them. I am not exactly sure how to describe what I mean by teen culture. I know it's not what most adults think it is. It is wrong by definition to make a statement like "all teens distrust adults" or "all teens like loud music" or "all teens like xyz". Teen culture is not defined in terms of likes/dislikes.

I think it has to do more with the fact that teens are normally much less hung-up and set in their ways than adults. Subjects are generally not taboo with teens. Generally, I find most teens very much more open-minded and thoughtful than most adults. If I want to have a thoughtful conversation about a controversial topic, I am much more likely to find a teenager who will have a calm, rational, thoughtful conversation compared with many adults. Teens are also more willing to be independent thinkers.

I have found that most teens crave respect from adults. They want to be treated like they have intrinsic worth and that their thoughts are worthy of being heard. I think I have personally made a lot of progress listening and valuing. It's one of the best things I have ever done.

Listen. Interact. Don't be shocked, but respect.

Reading Mark DeVries

I like what Mark DeVries says in Family Based Youth Ministry. I think he is strong on analyzying the current situation. I hear him when he says youth and adults need to spend more time together. My experience working with youth tells me that there is more to the story. He says that youth need to spend time with adults who are "spritually mature". Hmmmm. I know a bunch of adults who are not. I also know spiritual adults who have no idea or motivation to build trusting, respectful relationships with teenagers. Hmmmmm.